Episode .11 - Changes

“Jessi!”

“Yes Steph?”

“I want to play merry-go-round!”

“But mummy reminded us not to leave the house until she is back from the post office!”

“How about we play it in-house?”

“How do we do that?”

“Simple.” Stephanie tugged her arms into Jessica’s arm. She then turned to her right with lighting speed, pulling Jessica along with her in a circular motion on the spot. After a short spin, she added “like this!”

“You are really smart, Steph.”

“Thanks for the compliment, Jessi.” With that said, both girls turned and swirled around the living room. Little do they know that an accident it about to happen.

As Jessica is getting a headache from all the spinning and turning, she loosened her grip in her arms. Plus, they are going on with abnormal fast speed, the loosen grip sent Stephanie stumbling on her way and land straight towards the display cabinet. With her unbalanced footing, her head crashed into the glass panel. Broken bits of glasses shattered across the living room with Stephanie crouching down holding her bleeding head.

“Oh my god, Stephanie! I didn’t mean to push you into the cabinet. Are you feeling okay?” receiving no response, Jessica shook her friend’s body, demanding an answer from the latter to ensure that she hasn’t passed out. “ANSWER ME! STEPH!”

Stephanie could vaguely hear Jessica’s words. Her head is throbbing with pain. Her vision slowly became misty and blur as tears start to form in her eyes. The cut stings badly.

Just then, Simone opened the front door, surprised by the sight in front of her. She immediately dropped the letters and keys to rush to her daughter’s side.

“Jessica! What happened?!”

“Mummy! Please save her. We were playing, and then she lost her footing and crashed into the glass.” Jessica responded right away, afraid that each second might take her friend away.

“Okay baby, everything will be fine. Go grab the keys and get in the car now.” Simone hugged the injured petite girl into her arms as Jessica ran across the living room to get the car keys as well as opening the door for the mother. On the way out, Simone grabbed a piece of clean cloth. After closing the door, Jessica dashed forward to open the car door.

“Baby, call Uncle John now and tell him that we are sending Steph to the hospital. Also, press this cloth on Steph’s bleeding.” Simone spoke with worry as she loaded the injured girl into the back seat, with Jessica following.

Simone hastily turned on the engine and speeded down the road, every now and then glancing at the rear mirror to ensure that Stephanie has not passed out.

Stephanie does not know what is happen. She only knows that her head is splitting and she can feel wetness in on her forehead, something that is similar when she is perspiring, but she knows it’s not sweat.

“Jes..si” Stephanie mumbled as she felt like her body is giving up on her.

“YES? ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?! DON’T SLEEP OKAY! REMAIN AWAKE STEPH!” Jessica is so worried that she might burst any moment. She blamed herself for letting Stephanie’s grip and seeing her friend’s weak body in front of her, she felt hurt. She wished that she was the one who crashed into the glass panel; she wished that she was the one bleeding and the one suffering all the pain now.

“ok..ay” Stephanie manage to say this before she passed out completely. Shortly after that, the car reached the hospital and Simone ran into the emergency ward with the injured girl in her arms.

___

“We need help here! This girl is bleeding profusely!” Simone yelled across the recipient area. The nurses quickly rolled a sick bed towards the trio.

“We will get her treatment. Please stay here and register her before heading towards the ward” The nurse instructed while rolling the bed towards the emergency ward. Simone ran to the receptionist and got the procedures done. She held on her daughter hand while making her way towards the ward. Just then, Stephanie’s father entered the entrance.

“Simone! What happened? Why is Stephanie here?!”

“I’m not sure about the whole incident. But let’s head towards the ward first and see if she is fine. Come on.”

All the while, Jessica is fighting back her tears so that she will not break down. She doesn’t want her fear and worries to be represented with tears. Furthermore, she knows that her best friend would not want to see her crying face when she is conscious. After a few minutes of waiting outside the ward, the doctor on duty came out and requested to speak to the patient’s immediate family.

“Are you the patient’s father?”

“Yes I am, doctor. What is wrong with my daughter?” Stephanie’s father questioned the doctor while grabbing the latter’s arm. He can’t afford to lose another kin of his.

“We suspect it is a case of head concussion. There are cuts on the patient’s forehead. We have to do a CAT scan before I can tell you exactly what is wrong. But fear not, her life is not in danger and the scan is just precautionary. The doctor replied calmly, so as not to alarm the family any further.

“What is a head concussion, mummy?” Jessica nudged her mother, hoping for a response. She desperately needed one.

“We have already done the CAT scan and the results will be out by tomorrow. The hospital will inform you accordingly. You may enter the ward but the patient will only regain conscious after a while so please remind quiet.” The doctor continued as he did not heard Jessica’s question. He took his leave and the trio entered the ward, to see a small petite girl with bandages on her forehead lying on the hospital bed. Her father walked to the side and stroked her hair lovingly. He can’t bear to see her daughter like this, but it will hurt further if she is gone like her mother. Simone noticed that the dual needed some time alone, pulled her daughter out of the ward.

“Jessica? What exactly happened when I was away?!”

“We were playing merry-go-round. Then I got dizzy and release the grip on my arm. Steph lost her footing and crashed into the cabinet. She was bleeding and I did not know what to do. I kept screaming and screaming then you came back.” Jessica was recalling and explaining the whole incident with her head hanging low and only looked up when she mention her mother. She is guiltily and she blamed herself that this is happening. She started to sob quietly, unable to resist her raging tears.

“Okay. I understand honey. Hush hush.” Simone pulled her daughter in for a hug, just what she needed. They remained like this until Jessica’s sob subsidized before Simone continued.

“Head concussion happens when your head hits a hard object. The brain will shift and hit the skull’s boney surface. The impact will result in pain which might be too much for Stephanie to handle. That is why she passed out. It could be serious but luckily, she did not suffer any fatal injuries. So everything will be fine, baby” Simone explained it clearly to her daughter because she knew that her daughter need to understand the current situation well so that she will not blame herself and learn from the lesson.

After the short talking session, the mother and daughter returned to the ward and notice that Stephanie has already regain conscious. Jessica rushed up to the injured girl’s side and hugged her tight. She was glad that her best friend is okay, if not, she would not forgive herself. Simone pulled John away from the chair and explained the whole incident to him. He nodded his head while listening and kept his vision on the injured girl.

“It’s okay. I trust that you will not let anything happen to her, which is why I put her under your care. But I really hope none of this will happen again.”

“I will never let this happen. It ache me to see her like this” with this being said, they both turned and looked at the girls.

“STEPH! You scared me! You were bleeding just now!”

“I’m so sorry for scaring you.”

“How are you feeling? Are you okay now?” Jessica questioned her again while placing her hand on injured girl’s forehead, as if she was having a fever.

“I am feeling better now. My head is not that painful anymore. Stephanie smiled as she reassured her friend’s question.

Just then, the doctor entered the ward.

“I was informed that the patient has regained her conscious so I am here to conduct a simple check-up.” The doctor spoke to the adults before making his way towards the hospital bed.

“Hello girls. I am a doctor of this hospital and I am here to ask you a few questions”

“Okay.” Stephanie replied simply.

“What is your name?”

“Stephanie Hwang.” when she mentioned the name, Stephanie felt a short sharp pain in her head but she ignored it and continued answering the questions.

“Okay. Do you know how old you are?”

“I am 10 this year.”

“Excellent. Tell me where your hometown is.”

“I moved here when I was 7. I stayed in Korea before.”

“Very good. Tell me more about your childhood.”

“I think I lived with my father near the eastern area in Korea. After that… that… I think I stayed in a childcare while my daddy is at work. I was always alone but I am glad I’ve got Jessica here with me.” Stephanie’s father got closer to her daughter as he thought that there should be more her answers. He wondered why she didn’t mention Taeyeon’s name when answering the doctor’s questions.

“Baby, you remembered that you have a play mate when you were at Joah?”

“Do I? I.. cant.. really remember.” Stephanie tried to recall her playmate while searching her name and face in her memory bank. But sadly, a vague face appeared in her mind. She can’t remember how she looked like exactly and what her name is.

“Who is your father?” the doctor continued his check-up procedures.

“Right there, John Hwang.” Stephanie replied while pointing her index finger towards the direction of her father.

___

“Doctor, what is happening to my daughter? When can’t she remember what happened 3years ago?”

“She is suffering from Retrograde Amnesia. It is a form of memory loss for events prior to the accident. She does not remember or vaguely remembers them. She only seems to forget about that specific period of time. There is nothing to worry about it. The memories will come back in pieces like puzzles when she wants to remember them.”

“Is that so…. Okay doctor.”

“The scans result will be out tomorrow morning. If there is no problem, your daughter will be discharged in the noon. Well, I will take be leave then.” The doctor bowed slightly to the patient’s kin and exited.

___

*the next day*

“Nurse Lee, please help me call for Stephanie’s father. Tell them that the CAT scans’ results are out.

…

“Here they are, Doctor.”

“Thank you Nurse Lee.” The doctor said to the nurse before diverting this attention to Stephanie’s father. “Take a sit.”

“Like I have said, the CAT scans’ results are out. I want to tell you what exactly is happening to your daughter. The injury has slightly damaged her left brain. If you have noticed, there is a cut on the left of her forehead.” John nodded to the doctor’s explanation but remain silent while the doctor continued. “Our brains are divided into 2, the left and the right. The left is in-charge of the past and present whereas the right is present and future. Because her injury has damaged the left, it will affect her past memories. Do you get it so far?”

“Yes doctor. So you are telling me she will lose all her past memories?”

“There are chances where she will recall them but it is all up to the patient.”

“I get it.”

“Okay, if there are no further questions, you may proceed to the counter for discharge procedures as your daughter is okay.”

“Thank you, doctor.” John stood up and held his hand out for a handshake. The doctor gladly accepted while sending him out.

___

Stephanie went to her bedroom after her discharge. She slumbered on her bed as the hospital bed was as hard as a rock. She wanted some proper rest. Just before she was drifted to her sleep, she noticed a glass bottle sitting on her tabletop, with three blue stars contained within.

What is that? Did I made them or did someone give it to me?

___

After taking a full day rest, Stephanie insisted on attending her school as she has already missed three days of lessons although her father said otherwise. Being persistent and firm, her father allowed her to go ahead but he spied on her daughter’s movement. He is worried that her injury might cause inconvenience in school so he decided to stay till the end of school.

Art lesson was the first lesson of the day. Stephanie pulled out her sets of colouring kit and placed on her desk. While doing so, she felt a tight embrace from her back. She squealed while her head turned to her right. The person did not want to be caught in action shifted to her left. She shifted their heads simultaneously. Finally, Jessica then popped her head in front of her best friend and the latter squealed again due to the shock. The teacher walked over to check what the commotion was about.

“Got cha!”

“You are such a meanie, Jessica Jung! Humph!” before Jessica could reply her friend, the teacher is already at their desks.

“Stephanie, are you feeling okay?” the teacher came over to her table and knelt down so that their eye levels are the same. However, when the teacher mentioned her full name, the girl felt a sharp pain in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut as the pain was becoming unbearable. The teacher noticing that the girl was not feeling well, put her hands on the latter’s shoulder and gave a light squeeze; “Are you okay, Stephanie? What is happening?” the pain was too much for the girl to withstand. She did not know she is reacting this way. Suddenly, her mind began playing a series of episodes.

“Stephanie, you are a motherless daughter!”

“You are really bad in Korean, Stephanie!”

“No one is playing with you, Stephanie and you know why? Cause nobody likes you!”

John from afar noticed her daughter’s odd behaviour, came forward and excused the daughter from the teacher. Jessica remained seated at her desk while she eyed the father and daughter exiting the room’s door.

I hope she is fine. A defeated sigh escaped from Jessica’s lips.

___

“Baby, baby. Are you feeling alright?” Stephanie’s pain in the head has subsidized and she felt a lot better. She opened her eyes and her father was in front of her, eyes filled with concern and worry.

“Yes daddy. I don’t know why I always have a headache especially when people mention my English name. Daddy, what is happening to me?”

“You are doing fine, darling. Everything will be okay.” John assured her daughter by pulling her into a hug.

___

John entered her daughter’s bedroom after he witnessed what happened to the latter this afternoon. He thought of a solution. He knocked on the door before entering.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“Oh daddy. I was wondering why I have this bottle of blue stars here and there are only three of them. Daddy, do you know what are they for?”

John approached her daughter and sat on her bed before continuing, “They hold a special meaning to you and someone. You promised someone that you will fold a blue star for her on her birthday which falls on 9^th march. Does it ring any bell?” Stephanie tried to think back but she failed miserably. She can’t remember making this promise and that someone she promised to, but she knows it holds a significant meaning.

“No bells ringing, daddy. But I will continue to fold them every year. I think it is important.”

“Yes, it is. She was very important to you but never mind that, you will remember her one day. Oh yes, I wanted to talk to you about something. You said you will experience headaches when people mention your full English name right? I was wondering if I should change your name to Tiffany. What do you think?”

“Tiffany? I like that name, but why that?”

“Because your mother wanted to name you that, but I opposed. I thought Ste…” her father paused at the name before moving on because he was afraid that it will bring pain for her daughter. “…your current name was more suitable. Since that name is bringing you unnecessary pain, I thought it would be appropriate to change your name. After all, it was one of your mother’s unfinished wish.”

“I would like to finish mummy’s wish! Okay. Now I will be called Tiffany! I will thank mummy for this beautiful name in my prayers!

“I am glad you liked this name. I’m sure your mummy will be delighted. It’s getting late, come on and get on the bed.” John tugged her daughter well with the covers and kissed her forehead as a goodnight kiss.

From now on, I’m Tiffany Hwang Mi Young. She mentally spoke to herself while drifting off into her sleep.

How I wished…

“What do you love about me?”

“I love everything about you; your eyes, your nose but most importantly, your smile and love for me.”

“But... I do not know what I love about you. Let’s just break up.”

Yes, I was heartless. That was a conversation of my boyfriend and me when I was younger. I do not care about others’ feelings until I met you. You have changed everything about me, every single one. How I wished I have never know you. But I can’t.

___

One day, I received a text message on my phone.

-Hey! Hello JunSu!- I was quite taken back by this anonymous person that sent a message to my number. Maybe that person got the wrong number.

-I’m sorry, but do I know you?-I replied and continue what I was doing earlier. Before I could proceed doing anything, I felt a vibration from my phone. I took it closer to my face and the text message read:

-Maybe you have seen me in school before. :) :) - I wondered who this person was. So we carried on to text one another regarding your identity.

-Can’t you just tell me your name already? Lol.- I texted you back because I couldn’t wait any longer to know who I am texting with the whole night. I do not like the feeling of being unknown.

-I’m YooChun, your senior. Ring a bell?- Actually nothing came into my mind when you mentioned your name. I put down my pen and started thinking who this person was. Still, no bells were ringing.

-Not really. Did I actually meet you before? Hah.-

I tried thinking who you were. I felt bad for not remembering you at all.

-We met during the team camp, remember?-

-Still no bells ringing. Throw in more clues. Haha.-

-Remember the section where you are supposed to pick out straws from a pool of flour?-

Okay I think I heard silent bells ringing. I think I recalled someone who played flour with me after the game station was concluded. With the leftover flour, someone threw a handful worth of flour towards me. Being a slowpoke, I reacted slowly and got hit by the snow-liked flour on my hair and face. Seeking revenge, I grabbed a handful worth of flour and launched forward to return the attack. But I was stopped by my team leader because we are supposed to head off to another game station. Maybe you were the one.

-Are you the one who attacked me with flour?!-

-Yes I was the one. Finally you remembered who I was!! I’m delighted!- I smiled at the text message. I can picture you with a happy smile plastered across your face.

I remembered this is how we first talk to each other over a communication channel. I was actually excited to meet you in person because you protracted to me a friendly and warm image. I knew I had to meet you. How I wish we could talk this like, again.

___

Ever since then, we have been hanging out a lot during school time and after school. A lot of our school mates were getting suspicious of our relationship. But I do not care what they are saying about us. I am comfortable as who we are now, brothers.

I was visiting my grandmother off the outskirt of Seoul when we were texting each other, as usual. Just then, I received a message which content is something that I would never expect, although it was something that came across my mind.

-Will you, Kim JunSu, willing to be my partner? -

I was goofing around with my cousins when I received your text. I didn’t give a serious thought about it since I was in a happy-go-lucky mood. I immediately replied a yes even though I wasn’t sure what was I signing on.

-Sure! Why not?! Hahaha-

That was how we started our relationship as lovers. How I wished this moment had never happen.

___

Since I have met you, my character changed. I became more extrovert and outgoing. You have opened my world to a totally new dimension. I was glad you came into my life. However, life is full of sudden events.

Dear Junsu,

You know I have strict parents. Now I am like a strapped bird in a cage. I can’t go out of my house because the main exams are coming and my parents are very worried about my declining grades. Since it’s my last year of school, it is really important to me. They’ve even confiscated my phone from me. That is why I wrote a letter to you. I want you to know that I will always love you like now, forever and ever. Remember this okay! My dearest dolphin! Do not miss me too much okay? Once the exam is over, I promise you can have the whole of me! Meanwhile, please study hard for your exams too.

Love,

Yoochun

I read the letter and put it aside, into my mini safe box. I continued to study but my mind was filled with you, and only you. Since then, you wrote me umpteen copies of letter that my mini safe box was exploding with them. But one day, I received a letter that I would never want to receive.

Dear love,

I am so sorry for not spending any time with you. You know how sad I am right? I am so sorry. The studies are tedious for me. I cannot manage both sides well; you and studies. I have to forgo one so that I can concentrate on one. I am so sorry dear. I have to study hard so as not to disappoint my parents. You have no idea how stress I have been these days thinking about you and my studies. I cannot take it anymore, dear. Sigh. I know you hate me now for doing this, but I have no choice. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Let’s just break up.

Apologies,

Your YooChun

I have no idea tears were already streaming down my cheeks as I read this in my room. I wanted to salvage this relationship, but I couldn’t, because your studies are at stake, meaning your future. I do not want your future to be diminished because of my selfish act. I believe that our love will last, because you promise me that you will spend time with me after the exams, after all, I am the only person you loved in this world, right? How I wished this was the truth.

The time without you was hard to manage. I was lethargic for most of the time because I couldn’t get over the fact that we had broke up already. I thought out mighty love would conquer all difficulties but I was wrong. I decided to do something after your exams were over. I was hoping that everything would revert back to what we use to have, but how wrong I was.

___

I came by your house the day after your papers ended. I was holding on to your favourite chocolates and a letter that was hand-written by me. You wouldn’t know how much tears will spill in the process of writing it, but I was elated that your papers were finally over and we can start anew again. After sometime, I saw a silhouette wearing a school uniform walking towards my direction. I smiled from ear to ear as I waited patiently for your presence to be in front of me. I waited so long to be able to see you, I longed for you warm from your hugs and your kisses. I missed every part of you so badly that a single tear escaped my eye. I brushed it off because all my suffering would end soon, after a minute, or so I thought. I can see that your footsteps got heavier when you were approaching your apartment, I thought you delighted to see me, but how wrong was I.

“Dear!” I jumped over to give you a tight hug. But you didn’t return the hug because I wouldn’t feel the warm from you. The warm you use to shower me with, the warm that I have longed for, the warm that I realize was lost the moment when I hugged you. I knew something was off but I brushed the thought off because I knew there was a happy reunion waiting for you, me; us.

“Here! I’ve got you chocolates and a hand written letter!” I handed over the items to you. You extended your arms forward slowly; I can tell that you were reluctant to receive my presents. I do not want to question you why. I do not want us to quarrel over minor issues like this because I am awaiting the long waited reunion and that it is going to happen soon.

“Are you happy that I came by my dear?” I asked him. I realize that ever since we’ve met, you haven’t said a word. I wondered why but I kept my silent.

“JunSu… why are you here? I thought you were busy.” You sounded low and unconcern.

“You are more important of course. I missed you so much!” I tried to sound as happy as I can be because I knew something was amiss. I wanted my chirpy mood to destroy the unhappiness within you.

“I... missed you… too. But…but things are different now.”

“How are things different?” I looked into your eyes. I want to know why this is happening, because what I feared is happening.

“We broke up, JunSu. You shouldn’t have come here.”

“But I thought you said I am your only love?! You promised me that you will spend time with me after your exams ended?!” I end off my sentence in a demanding tone. I wanted to know why. *plays KYHD*

“Look Junsu.” You grab hold of both my arms and looked straight into my eyes. “We are done and over with.” Someone please slap me. I need to be awake of this horrible and terrifying dream of reality; this harsh and cruel truth.

“But… why…” before I couldn’t even finish my sentence, you took off into your apartments, leaving me stranded on the lonely pathway. As I watch your back leaving me, I felt the cold and hard fact hit on me, the fact that you are leaving me. It wasn’t an easy task. I bit my lips as I wanted to launch forward and grab hold of the love we share, the love we used to share. But it was all gone; disappeared into thin air. But a part of me is holding back, because I love you too much, I am letting you go, letting all of it go. YooChun, can you hear my heart calling out for you. No, I know you can’t because you abandoned me. I am crying, so is my heart. But at the same time, it is bleeding. I could feel my internal organs bursting over of my already lost-control body. I wanted to explode, but I know this is not the right place. I took the last look of your apartments, because I know if I walk out of here, I will never ever going to come back to this place, where it is filled of sorrow. I feel an imaginary stab at my heart when I realize you were long gone, you did not even look back at me, not even a slightness bit. I finally accepted the truth, you left me. I dragged my feet off the pathway and walked aimlessly around your neighbourhood. I wanted to hide and pour my tears out. I want to remove my heart so that it would not hurt so badly, so bad that it would suffocate me if I am hurt any further.

After that meeting, we did not meet again. My heart and mind just died. I could not think and eat properly. I cried to sleep every night, reading your letter over and over again. I know what I am doing can’t bring you back to my side, but I just want to recall my memories with you. I am doing what I can to heal my heartbreak but nothing is healing my wound. Not even a sorry from you can heal the wound. It permanently left a scar that naked eye can’t see, but what a broken heart can feel. I had a thousand WHYs to ask you, but i bottled it down within myself. Because I that even when I have the answers, you will not be here anymore.

All beautiful moments have an end, so does ours.

The beautiful memories that we have shared, are stored in my safe-lock mind. What can lock it will be the key of sadness.

___

Dear YooChun,

We have been dating for 2 years now. The time we spent together was great. I have always been thankful to God for sending an angel like you down to earth instead of making you stay by his side. You were so kind and gentle towards me, making me fall deeper and deeper each day without fail. I was so thankful. I knew you loved me too, just like how I loved you. And I know you loved me more than I do. My mum often said it’s always better to find someone who loves you more than you do. I’m thankful for that as well. How i wish...

Loving you always,

Junsu

Discover (2/2)

Jae stay put on his feet after Yunho closed the door. He stood there in this thinking position; rested his head on this thumb and index fingers which are supported by his left arm. He desperately needs to find out the reason why Yunho has been out of space. He knows that it is affecting Yunho's studies and life, and more importantly, it is affecting him as well. He stood still thinking but nothing came to him. He decided to get in the house first and maybe, just maybe something will come to him when the time is right. He knocked on the door in front of him.

"It’s you? Why are you still here?" Yunho asked while narrowing down one of his eyes.

"Oh I just remembered that my sister is holding some party at home today. She said that i can’t be back before it ends and I got nowhere to go. So I thought I can stall for time at your place. But it’s okay if you mind. Cause I totally understand it you know." the whole while Jae was fidgeting around with his hands in his jean's pocket.

"It’s alright. Come on in" Yunho said and turned his head around, walking into his apartment while leaving the door ajar for Jae. Jae took a step in and sighed. "Step 1 completed" he thought to himself. Now he just needs to stay normal and get comfortable so that it will not arise any suspicion.

“Remember to close the door. I will go get a drink for you. Get comfortable.” Yunho said with his back still facing Jae while heading towards the kitchen. Although they have been friends for a long time, it was actually first time that Jae had step into the house after what happened 4 years ago. After since that accident had happen, Yunho did not allow anyone to enter this apartment. Jae didn’t know the underlying reason and he respected the fact that Yunho needed his space alone since his only kin has passed away. He lived with his granny since young. Yunho had never once mentioned anything in regards to his parents to Jae since he did not find the need to and his memories of them are vague. There weren’t any major changes to his apartment, the tables and cupboards are still at the same position, the pictures of Yunho and his granny are still there on the counter-top. Jae took one of the photo frame closer to him, it was when Yunho entered the school that he is attending now. Both of them have bright smiles plastered on their faces. It was a long time since I’ve since Yunho smiling like this. Jae sighed to his thought when Yunho called for him.

“Your drink is on the table.”

“Okay thanks. What are you doing now?”

“Nothing much. Just laying down and listening to some music.”

“Carry on with what you are doing then. I will just read my book.”

“alright.” Yunho lay down on his mattress (ondol) and plucked in his earphones. He shifted towards his left so that there is enough space for Jae on his right. He patted his hand on his right to signal jae to fill up the empty spot beside him. Jae grabbed his book from his bag and took a sit beside Yunho. He opened his book to the first unread page and glance over to the body beside him; the body that belonged to someone who is dearly precious to him. But this person was no longer the person that he knew. The person that used to be optimistic and energetic wasn’t there anymore; it was filled with sadness and grieves. Now this person is only a capsule without a toy in it, a pill without the medical content in it, a camera with a battery or film in it, a body without a happy heart in it. Jae wanted to put the toy in, fill the medical content in, replace the battery and film in and most of all, and bring the happiness in. He knew he had to do something. Soon, his head felt heavy and he needed to lie down so that the heaviness will go away. He covered his face with the book over him as he slowly relaxes his mind. His mind is filled with memories that he had spent with Yunho, the past Yunho. They are playing by itself, skipping from scenes to scenes where they both had shared quality time together. But the streaming of the scenes were paused as if there was a lost of connection when Jae felt warmth on his stomach. He lifted his book slightly up, with the edge of the book still touching his forehead. His eyes were shot wide open when he discovered that the warmth was emitting from Yunho’s left arm. He titled his head slightly to his left to notice that yunho’s face is actually inches away from him. He must be asleep now. Jae brushed Yunho’s fringe that was covering his eyes. He craved for the smile to be plastered on the face right in front of him. He leaned in and kissed Yunho’s forehead. Yunho moved closer to Jae’s body, towards the warmth. Jae was delighted that he can share this special moment with Yunho, but he was more elated to see that he was fast asleep. Let me be your sleeping pill. You will not die for consuming me, but I will die if you continue being how you are now. I want you to heal from the pain and grieves that you are holding on now. Throw them away or pass them to me. I am more than willingly to accept it if it will exchange happiness for you, Yunho. With that, he kissed his forehead again and lowered his book so that it will cover the fact that he is tearing up.

In the mind of Yunho:

My mind is relaxed. I guess I am asleep now, finally. A smile formed on my lips as I felt lighter. Something on my left felt comfortable and it drawn me in. I want to know what that is. I moved closer to the source of the comfort and I was right, it was warmth and I felt something else. I do not know how to explain this but the feeling of it makes me happy and relaxing. I love this moment right now, here. Everything is bright and warm. Just then, I hear a steady beating soon. It was a smooth rhythm and it seems like my heartbeat has sync together with the rhythm. It was peaceful and clear. I hope this is going no-where; because I want it to be always now-here.

notes: okay guys. how is it? tell me how u feel! cos i got a idea of a one-shot. hehehe

Discover (1/2)

the school bell rang and one by one, the students returned to their seats before the Business Management tutor begin his lesson. i do not know why i am here. i have little interest in Business, the very least actually. my father had always encourage (force) me to pick up some business skills since he will handling his shop to me one day. i am dead serious about this issue. i have no say in that matter, mother would always side father in this and when i stomp off to my room, she would knock on my door and reassure that what my father's planning for me is for the best of me. and after that, she will list down her expectations of me, to be a top business student with straight As in all my modules and the route she would want me to pick up. we have been through this so many times that i can recite it fast-forwarded or maybe turn it into a rap. however, im not really talented in rapping, im more inclined towards vocals and singing. just when i was getting into the grove of rapping, one of my classamate walked in. we were 15minutes into the lesson and he seemed not worried about his lateness.

"jung yunho, dont u think you should give the least respect for me? cant u try to be early for my lessons for at least one time? huh, just one time?!" Mr Kim looked up from his laptop that he was showing on the visualizer and eyed on Yunho.

"my apologies. i will try." he kept his sentences short. it felt as though he didnt want to talk to mr. kim any further.

"you! are u showing any form of disrespect for the teachers in this school? i have heard that u are always late for lessons and why is that so!?"

"nothing. just late." again, he kept this replies short. everybody's attention was on the tension. Mr kim looked at him and saw the latter coming towards my direction. i remove my bag from the chair beside mine and he filled in the empty seat. i could see the blood veins from the side of Mr Kim's eye. even a blind person could tell he is going to explode any time soon.

"mr kim, should we just start the lesson? please?" i pleaded. i do not want any unnecessary attention to be on Yunho again. i used my tender voice, hoping that it will smooth out the anger that is boiling up in Mr Kim. i think he realize he is garnering too much attention and it would be best if he just drop the case and continue with lesson.

"okay Jaejoong. i will not hinder any one of your studies. please pay attention to what i will be going through. it will be tested during the mid-semester week."

i turned my head to face Yunho. he just sat there staring onto nothing. i nudged him.

"hey. are u okay? reason that cant be told again?" i questioned him again although i think i will get the same answer again.

"oh, yeah. nothing much"

"i see. okay then." i replied and turned my head to face the screen. although my eyes are on the screen, my mind isn't. why is yunho always late for the first lesson? yunho has always been the laid-back and quiet person. we have been friends since we were 10; we were neighbour back then. i thought we have come into terms where no secrets are kept between one another but i guess, it was otherwise. we have this special friendship where no communication is required. when you know this person for 10 years, automatically you get to understand his habits, likings and personality, whether you want or not. it is only this bit of him that i do not understand, his lateness for every morning lesson. this is a bad thing as our grades are inclusive of our attendance and i definitely do not want that to pull down his grades where they are not great to begin with. i eyed over the corner of my eyes to check what he is doing, and again he is just staring into space. i sighed and returned my attention to Mr Kim.

the bell rang again. streams of students flooded the corridoor as they rushed to the nearest eartry for some snacks and treats. i stayed behind and accompanied yunho,i know he needs it.

"hey, want some thing light? i can get it for you."

"nah, its okay. im fine."

"did you hear what Mr kim said? the test is going to cover 10 weeks' lesson and i doubt a week study break is enough. dont u think so?"

"yes. i think so too."

i always attempt to lengthen my sentence in hope that the replies from yunho would correspond. it always fail but i am not giving up, not just yet.

"so which module are you starting first? the one you cant manage well or the one you are confident of?"

"i dunno?"

silence filled the air as i do not know what how to respond to Yunho's short replies. i stared hard at the latter.

"yun, are you getting enough sleep lately? it seems like your eye bags have gotten darker."

"i.. guess so?"

even since i got to know Yunho, there is always dark circles on his handsome face. i wondered why but did not question as i knew, the question will be avoided with short replies.

"did you use the eye cream that i got you the other time? i think is it rather useful for me so i thought it might be useful to you as well." once again, i spoke with clear concern in my sentence. concern which was beyond friends.

"i was lazy."

"YAH! do you know how much i spend on it?! how can you not use it and let it rot at some corner of your room?!"

"i will try it tonight."

"thats better." before i would continue their conversation, the Business Accounting tutor walked in the classroom with a stack of A4 size paper. the tutor place his teaching materials down on the tutor's table and wrote on the white board. -POP QUIZ-

the whole class showed their disagreement and displeasure of the pop quiz but the tutor ignored it and passed on the papers for everyone.

"i have warned you just last week to be prepared for one. those who heed for words will definitely have an advantage. you have one hour to complete this and your time starts now."

i glance over to yunho; he was staring at the papers and holding a black ball point pen on his right hand. i nudged him so that he would come to his senses and begin writing this answers. his body jumped a little by my action and he looked over. i pointed my index finger to the paper infront of him and signal him to start writing. he nodded his head and begin to write his particulars on the paper. i turned my head to face my own paper and started to fill up the blanks with the knowledge i'm taught. it was a rather easy paper for me, i thought.

-

the bell rang and it marked the end of today. i shove my backpack across my shoulders and turn to my right, Yunho is sleeping, again. he is always restless and tired whenever i see him. i sighed and poked him slightly.

"hey Yun, hey.. the class is over. hey.."

"huh. what?" Yunho replied grumpily as his precious sleep was disturbed.

“the class is over. Come on. I will walk you home.”

“ah. Okay.” He stood up, stretched his arms and took his sling bag. He headed towards the door while i hopped to catch up with his pace.

“how was the test? Was it manageable for you?” we were walking down the buzzing street of KimJung Avenue. It was across his apartment, KiShinBang Dong.

“yes. Lets hang out here.”

“why? I thought you were feeling tired just now during lesson.”

“not anymore. Lets walk.”

“alright. That reminds me, i need to buy socks for my sisters. They keep losing them! I don’t know why.”

“Cause you have too many sisters Jae.”

“i know right! But i manage to survive well, just that, i’m a bit feminine. Don’t you think?”

“you are, but im comfortable with that.”

“i know you wouldn’t mind. In fact, i think you liked it!” i playfully smacked/punched Yunho’s shoulder. Yunho lips break into a small smile.

“yes yes. Socks are that way.” He pointed his index finger down the street. I can see that he is loosening up each minute.

we reached the street stall selling all sorts of socks; high or low cut, thick or thin, colourful or plain, cartooned or popstars.

“How many pairs do you think i should buy, Yun?” Yunho faked a pondering face and replied, “8 pairs? 1 for each?”

“i thought so too. help me pick some of them. Why am i doing all these when it is supposed to be a lady’s job. Gosh!”

“cause you are a good brother and you love them.”

“i do...” my thought faded off, and to you too.

After we have finished selecting the sock, we headed down to the nearest coffee house and brought coffees to enjoy the crowd rushing home to their families.

*POV changed*

“can i have a Caramel Frappe and a Green Tea Latte please.” Yunho placed his orders while Jaejoong was busying twittering on his blackberry.

“sure. One minute please.”

They waited patiently at the counter for their drinks. This coffeehouse was one of the quietest and cosy one out on the streets. It became one of their favourite hang-out places after school and they always had their usuals, the ones that Yunho had ordered.

“sir, your drinks are done. Thank you for waiting and enjoy your drink.”

“thanks” Yunho mumbled to the staff and head off to their usual table. The table was situated near the glass panel that over sees the busy street. It was a perfect place to people watch and get lost in thoughts. Jaejoong followed closely behind Yunho, eyes still on his BB. Yunho took this seat and placed down their drinks; Caramel Frappe for Jaejoong and Green Tea Latte for himself.

“you should create a twitter account for yourself. It’s so much fun!” Jaejoong spoke, with his eyes still locked on his BB.

“i am lazy to create one.”

“how about me creating one for you. It’s easy.” Suddenly, Jaejoong burst out laughing, “you should totally see what Junsu tweeted to Yoochun! He wished that Chun was a girl!” Jaejoong continued to laugh by himself. yunho just sat there, staring what was beyond the huge window pane. he was tired. but, he just cant to fall asleep. this has been hunting him for years and it is slowly draining his remaining energy away. he is suffering from long-term insomnia. it happened to him when his granny passed away 4years ago. he was very close to his granny that her death became a huge blow for him. after since then, his sleeping habit was disturbed and it got worse day by day. for everyday, he could not fall asleep till 7am but his school starts at 9am. he did not want to disappoint his granny last wish which was for him to enter a prestigious college. in order to achieve that goal, he will and must attend school by all means including having his precious sleep taken away. he did not let any one know his illness, including his best friend who is sitting right in front of him. he sighed and continue to stare out the window, in hope that the hurried footsteps of the traffic will bring him into sleepy-land. on the other side, Jae acted like he was busy on this BB but he wasn't. he was observing yunho's every movement as he is puzzled as to why yunho seems more lethargic day by day. he is determined to find out why. before the both of them knew, it was time for dinner.

"hey, its already 7pm. i need to be home for dinner." Jae lied while he shuffed his phone into his bag.

"okay. lets go" both of him finished their drink and headed out. Jae insisted in sending yunho back as he planned something. he reasoned to yunho that the cafe was near his place so it is convenient for Jae to send him back. when both of them reached yunho's house door, yunho stepped in and bid his goodbye. Jae reminded still, plotting a plan within his mind.

TBC.

author's notes: how how how was it? it the response is good, i will continue. hahahaha

Episode 10 – Two sides

Taeyeon is following blindly. Ahead of her are 2 of her new friends, Sunny and Sooyoung. Apart from their height difference, they can actually hit off really well. Eventually, her footsteps brought her into the kitchen. It was actually Taeyeon's first time in the kitchen. She was too occupied playing with Stephanie at the backyard all the times. Furthermore, a kid is not necessary in the kitchen where all the food items are prepared by the adults. All she needed to do is to wait patiently for lunch to be served at the dining area. She scanned the environment with her eyes; it was actually bigger and more spacious of what Taeyeon has thought of. The upper and lower cabinets are tainted by glossy brown paint with a white marble top. Taeyeon's head is just 5cm above the counter top. All the kitchen wares are well-kept and it gives the place a posh and elegant feel.

"Where are the gummies? I don’t see any."

"The teachers don’t just display sweets around the kitchen, Taeyeon. If they do, it will be havoc here. They are placed right up at the highest cabinet so we can’t reach it."

Sunny responded to Taeyeon's questions with her index finger pointing at the direction where the gummies are rested.

"Where is Mrs Park? I thought she is always in the kitchen preparing food and safe guarding the sweets and candies." Sooyoung looked around the room in search of the human figure.

"Maybe she is chatting with her boyfriend in the toilet while doing her business. I heard from Yuri just now that she’s suffering a stomach-ache. Now we need to concentrate before Mrs Park comes back." Sooyoung reminded Sunny while grabbing one of the nearby stool. She climbed on it and reached for the cabinet.

“No wonder there is a weird and awful smell here the moment I step in. God.” Sunny added while Sooyoung grabbed handful packs of gummies before landing on the ground. Sunny quickly place the stool back to where it was originally and gathered with the girls.

“Okay. 2 big packs for each of us. Should be enough for a week.” Sooyoung announced and when she was about to hand over 2 packs of gummies to Taeyeon, footsteps were heard near the corridor.

“Hide it quick!! Mrs Park is back!””

Loss of ideas, Sooyoung quickly pull Taeyeon’s sweater forward and dump the packets of gummies in. Luckily, Taeyeon had tugged in her sweater which had prevented the gummies from falling out but it seemed like Taeyeon had a bloated tummy, like some middle-aged man. When Taeyeon was about to retaliate, a woman with her hair bun up walked into the kitchen.

“What are you girls doing here?” Mrs Park questioned the girls while looking down at them. She was a stern lady who strongly abides the rules. “What is wrong with your stomach, Taeyeon?” Taeyeon was dumbfounded and lost for words. It was her first encounter with this teacher and she was afraid that she could eat her up alive. She gives off an aura that frightens the children away and that is the reason why the children hardly come by the kitchen.

“Umm. Ummm” these are the only words Taeyeon is able to articulate. Her mind was shut down and she can’t think of any reasons to cover her act. She looks down at her foot with 2 of her toes clasped together.

“We were playing hide-and-seek, Mrs Park. I found Sooyoung first at the second level, then Yuri at the toilet. I covered all the places except here. So I was wondering if Taeyeon is here and here she is!” a few laughter escaped Sunny lips as she tried to cover up their act. The atmosphere remains quiet and intense as they wonder if Mrs Park will buy off Sunny explanation.

“Okay. I see. Next time when hiding, don’t come into the kitchen. I don’t want to clean up a messy kitchen. Off you go girls, to the common room.” Mrs Park gathered the girls out by extending both her hands and ushering them out. “Now, go play at somewhere else.” While finishing her sentence, a small sound was heard followed by an unpleasant smell. They all are fully aware of what it is and they giggled at the thought of it before launching off towards the common room.

___

“I am sorry about what happened just now, Jessica.”

Stephanie was awarded with a cold glare from Jessica together with a “humph” and folded arms.

“awww come on. It wasn’t on purpose.”

“Sorry no cure.”

“Will there be cure with ice creams? Daddy brought some yesterday. Or some gummies?”

Jessica softens her glare at Stephanie and tilted her head towards the short hair girl.

“If there is enough, I will forgive you.”

“It’s as big as a big huge mountain!”

“Make sure it is.” Stephanie held on to Jessica’s hand before pulling her towards the kitchen.

“Would popsicles do the cure?” Stephanie asked, standing on a stool to reach the level of the freezer while ransacking for ice creams.

“I want vanilla flavoured!” Jessica is attempting to peek at the contents inside the freezer while hopping up and down.

“Okay. Got that.” Stephanie came down from the stool; handed over the vanilla flavoured popsicle to Jessica while she unwrapped her chocolate flavoured popsicle. Both of them positioned themselves comfortably on the couch while enjoying the coldness of the popsicle.

“Hey Stephanie, try biting it. It’s more delicious that way.”

“Really? Okay I will try.” When her teeth were in contact with the popsicle, the icing sensation was refreshing for Stephanie. She enjoyed eating that way very much.

“ahhhh. It tasted better this way. It’s so yummy! Thanks a lot Jessica.”

“Nothing much. I thought you will like it as well.” Jessica took a bite off the popsicle as well but she pull off the popsicle so hard that her already lose front tooth came off. A high pitched scream echoed the room like a gunshot piercing through a silent room.

“What happened dear?” Simone came rushing into the room with her gardening tools dropped to the side before kneeling down to her daughter’s eye level. Jessica could not reply her mother because the pain was unbearable to her.

“Her tooth was pulled out while she was biting off the popsicle, Aunt Simone.” Stephanie replied, sounding a little concern, holding on to her melting popsicle with her right hand.

“Oh. That’s alright darlings.” She said to Stephanie before turning to her daughter, who is still sobbing very hard.

___

Year 1998

Both Stephanie and Taeyeon had found their newly-found playmates, but both of them did not forget about one another, just yet.

Taeyeon would always have mushrooms in her drawings regardless of the theme. She doesn’t mind if her drawing is out of theme, she just enjoy drawing mushrooms like she was 3 years ago.

The promise to fold blue stars was not forgotten by Stephanie, neither. She remembered to always make one when the date of 8 Marche is written on her class work.

By now, she already has 3 blue stars in a small glass bottle - The bottle she would pass to Taeyeon when they meet 15years later.